UFC 159 Picks, Not Predictions

So after a season of minimal trash talking on The Ultimate Fighter, and even less trash talking in the promotion of the fight, Chael Sonnen will take on Jon Jones for the Light Heavyweight Title. I do not care to tell you who is actually going to win, so if you bet based on my expertise, well let me know how you do.

Main Card

Chael Sonnen vs. Jon Jones
So many people say Sonnen has done nothing to deserve this fight. So many people say Sonnen will lose in the first round. So many people say this fight hurts the legitimacy of MMA. So many people are going to lose out. Chael Sonnen will walk into that cage, smash Jon Jones into a million pieces and walk out. Will he be the champion? I’m not sure, it depends on the rules of DQ with a title change. I do however know that Chael Sonnen will win, just because I really would like to see how the UFC uses Jones after a loss.
Chael by Decision.

Alan Belcher vs. Michael Bisping
Alan Belcher hates people. He was once quoted as saying so. That’s a problem for Bisping, because he is exactly what Belcher hates. Okay, I don’t think any of that is true. In fact, I’m pretty sure Belcher hates Bisping for the same reason most of his opponents do, talking crap. Belcher will come out to some awesomely American song, and Bisping will come out to Song 2 again. I hate Song 2.
Belcher by TKO in 2.

Roy Nelson vs. Cheick Kongo
Nelson made a promise to the Devil once. He agreed that in exchange for awesome head and facial hair, he’d knock out anyone. Kongo on the other hand, made a similar deal with God in exchange for a perfectly smooth head. The problem in this fight lies in whether you believe the Devil was good or evil. Well, it doesn’t matter because the Devil’s guy punches harder.
Nelson by TKO in 2.

Phil Davis vs. Vinny Magalhaes
Vinny has spent time with Sonnen, a lot of time. There’s no way someone can spend that much time around greatness and not have some rub off on them (See). Davis is at a major disadvantage there. Fighting has nothing to do with skill, it’s all luck. Just ask Leonard Garcia .
Vinny by Sub in 2

Jim Miller vs. Pat Healy
Jim Miller is from Jersey. Where’s Jersey? I don’t know either. They say he’s going to fight with the spirit of some guy named “The Boss”. Healy is from Strikeforce and everyone from Strikeforce fights with a chip on their shoulder, because they aren’t good. Honestly they’re horrible, nobody even saw them on that channel. These two bearded men will be fighting in the hopes that someone can point out where their from on a TV Guide, or better yet a map.
Miller by Sub in 1

The rest can be found here.

2 thoughts on “UFC 159 Picks, Not Predictions

  1. I’m not a big fan of sonnens antics. However, it seemed he was besting silva in their last fight, until the whole spinning back punch move by sonnen. I don’t know what the decision would have been like if it went to decision. I’m not sure about this fight? Chael may want to redo his last fight and come out swinging again and win. I just don’t know.

    Bisping needs a new song dammit. Maybe skyfall or the austin powers theme?

    Roy Nelson. You can’t go wrong with Roy. KO!

  2. Just so you know…

    Garcia – Dec
    Siler – Sub Rd 3
    Head – Dec
    Khabilov – KO Rd 1 Boost
    McMann – Dec Boost
    OSP – KO Rd 1 Boost
    Bedford – Dec
    Miller – Dec Boost
    Magalhaes – Sub Rd 2
    Nelson – KO Rd 3 Boost
    Bisping – Dec
    Jones – KO Rd 2 Boost

    I may contemplate dropping the $15 for airport wifi so I can at least watch McKenzie lose his job by split decision live.

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